How To Make Yourself Do Something (Or Not)
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Many people ask me how to force themselves to do something they believe they “should” do. As a public service, I’ll answer that question.
To make yourself do something, start by shutting out any conflicting thoughts—anything that distracts you or fuels doubt. Second-guessing? Silence it. Thinking about your vacation? Push it away. Wondering how long it’ll take? Suppress that too. Create tunnel vision. Permit only one type of thought: “I must do this.” Censor everything else.
Of course, this disconnects you from your own judgment, so it won’t work for tasks requiring discernment. But if you’re lucky, flooding your mind with artificial focus might summon a burst of guilt-powered fear—just enough to propel you into action.
Usually, that’s only the first step. If a wordless resistance remains, you’ll need to block out most of your feelings as well. I tense my entire body—especially my neck and shoulders. Others redirect their attention. However you manage, make sure you become numb to boredom, irritation, or disgust. Note: you’ll also block pleasure, curiosity, and gratitude. You may end up with a headache, full-body aches, or a hollow feeling. That’s the price of silencing the emotions that interfere with doing what you “must.”
You can’t shut down all feeling, though—you’ll still need some motivation. So, shut down as much as possible, then amplify the negatives. Fear-based emotions trump love-based ones. Once you’ve abandoned positive motivation, use a jolt of fear to trigger your sense of duty.
There are many ways to harness negative motivation: blame someone else and cast them as a villain; imagine worst-case scenarios; pile on guilt. Whatever you choose, pick a narrative that fuels the specific action you’re forcing yourself to do. This step requires skillful rationalization—luckily, there’s no shortage of public role models to emulate. Work yourself into a frenzy until you finally act.
Sound good?
No?
Good.
Most of my work—including the Do What Matters Most class—is about showing that there’s always a rational, life-affirming alternative to forcing yourself to do something.
People often have follow-up questions. Here are a few:
1. Are you saying we should never do anything we don’t feel like doing?
No. We often need to take actions we don’t feel like doing. This morning, I got up when the alarm rang even though I didn’t want to. But I didn’t force myself. I gave myself a good reason to take one small step. My self-talk sounded like:
“I don’t feel like getting up. Yeah, that’s normal inertia. I probably had a good reason to set the alarm for this time. How about I just go to the bathroom and then decide whether to get up? Once I’m up, I’ll probably remember why.”
Sometimes you also need to stop yourself from drifting away from your priority. This week, I planned to recycle an old article instead of writing a new one. My assistant had already prepared images and categories. I just needed to do some light editing—then I’d be set for three weeks. I promised her I wouldn’t leave my chair until it was done.
“Light editing.” Right.
As I reviewed the articles, I felt increasingly uneasy about re-publishing them. I was tempted to leave my desk. At one point, I almost floated out of my seat. Danger. I was on the verge of abandoning the task. I knew I needed willpower to intervene.
So what did I do?
I committed to ten minutes to figure out what was wrong. I sat through the discomfort, uncertainty, and fear that the articles weren’t good enough.
2. But in your example, you didn’t even do what you said you’d do!
Exactly. During those ten minutes, I journaled and realized I shouldn’t re-run the old articles. I came up with a new plan—a better one: writing this article instead.
Incidentally, “making yourself” do something doesn’t guarantee you’ll actually do it. You can stir up a frenzy of negative emotion and still not act. That failure becomes a source of guilt and self-blame—which some use to amplify the fear even more, hoping it will eventually force action. More often, they lose control and find themselves snacking, drinking, watching TV—anything more pleasant than the task. Then they feel even worse.
My method is the opposite. When stuck, you turn your mind on, not off. You reconsider all the reasons for taking that step. If it turns out you were wrong, that’s valuable information—now you can choose a better, positive next step.
My approach keeps you aligned with your values and moving forward—even if in a different direction than first planned. The “make yourself” approach, on the other hand, makes you miserable whether you do the task or not.
3. But sometimes making myself do things works. Why shouldn’t I use it?
I’m not saying it never “works.” In fact, I’ve explained exactly how and when it does.
I’m saying it’s bad for you. Always. Whether it “works” or not.
Each time you use force, you make yourself a little more miserable. You train yourself to hate the task.
If you keep making yourself do something, you’ll need more fear, guilt, and anger each time to get started. Eventually, you’ll burn out—and then feel guilty about that, too.
I’ve been there. I don’t recommend it.
Even occasional force can eventually make the very thought of something you “should” do fill you with dread.
But that twists the meaning of “should.” “I should do this” ought to mean: “Based on my best judgment, this action will best serve my life.”
A method that trains you to hate what serves your life…does not serve your life.
With my method, you enjoy your successes and learn from your failures. I learned this the hard way. Now I teach a better way—so you don’t have to.
* * *
The difference between giving yourself a good reason to take a small step and blindly forcing yourself forward is profound. It’s life-changing.
It’s the difference between persuasion and force.
Between seduction and rape (as Walter Williams put it).
Between the dollar and the gun (as Ayn Rand wrote).
Don’t reach for a mental hammer to bludgeon yourself into action.
Give yourself a positive reason to take a small step—one you can take freely, willingly, and well.