The 6 Types of Gifts You Should Never Give
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A gift should bring joy to the recipient — or at the very least, not cause sadness or anger. With the gift-giving season approaching, it’s a good time to remember that gifts are a powerful medium of communication. What messages, then, are you sending with the presents you’ve chosen?
Gifts have the ability to strengthen bonds. However, a truly bad gift can damage a relationship — leaving an emotional impact that lingers for decades. As a consumer psychologist, I’ve spoken with countless people about the worst gifts they’ve ever received. Their stories consistently fall into six categories:
1. The “All About Me” Gift
Many women would be thrilled to receive diamond earrings from their spouse. Not Patty, 58. She described the flashy, expensive jewelry from her husband Bill as the worst gift she’d ever received. “We couldn’t afford them. We had a new baby, a new house — the last thing I needed was diamond earrings. Bill bought them to impress his parents and compete with his brother. Those earrings had nothing to do with me or what I wanted.” That was nearly 30 years ago. While Bill’s gift-giving skills have since improved, and the couple remains happily married, the earrings did not last — Patty returned them the next day.
Some interviewees also considered charitable donations made in their name as an “All About Me” gift. “If it had been to one of my favorite charities, that would be different,” said Glenn, a manager in his 50s. “Sometimes I think it’s not even about the charity — it’s about making themselves look altruistic. In any case, it’s not really a gift.”
2. The Obvious Regift
Andrew, 32, was initially pleased to receive an elegant Italian dress shirt from his father — until he noticed his father’s initials monogrammed on the cuff. “He hadn’t unfolded it, so maybe he didn’t know. It felt thoughtless.”
Unless it’s a family heirloom, regifting often makes the recipient feel undervalued. Even if the item itself is desirable, the knowledge that it wasn’t chosen specifically for them — that little thought was invested — can sting.
That said, almost everyone I spoke to admitted to regifting at some point. The key to doing it successfully is to ask: “Would I have picked this out for this person?” — and to carefully remove any evidence that the gift was originally intended for someone else.
Pete’s mother, however, was not a successful regifter. “She had this book on her coffee table for years. Then one Christmas, she wrapped it up and gave it to me,” said Pete, 62, who unsurprisingly described his mother as “cheap.” Lack of effort or poor planning — such as grabbing an unused item at the last minute — often leads to regifting failures.
3. The Statement Gift
In a strange variation on regifting, Chelsea’s husband gave her the same Gucci purse — the exact same one — two years in a row. “I loved that purse. It was the best gift I’d ever received. I loved it so much I didn’t use it because I had two small kids and didn’t want it to get dirty,” explained Chelsea, 38. The following year, her husband rewrapped it and gave it to her again. “He said since I hadn’t used it, he might as well give it to me again — so maybe I’d use it this time.”
Chelsea’s husband made his point — and that’s what statement gifts are all about. While gifts generally communicate affection, statement gifts often convey disapproval or judgment.
Lori, 40, received a beautiful, expensive nightgown from her mother for three consecutive Christmases. Yet she’s never worn any of them. “It’s always a size or two too small,” said Lori, who is slightly overweight. “Then my mother snatches it back and says, ‘Oh, that won’t fit, will it? Honey, you’ll never find a husband if you don’t lose weight.’”
Terri, 64, still vividly remembers the Christmas during her senior year of high school. “I’d been hinting for over a month about a suede fringe handbag I really wanted. Instead, my parents gave me a set of dishes for my ‘dowry.’ They claimed to support my college plans, but that gift told me their real goal for me was marriage.”
4. The Well-Meant Misfire
“My best friend gave me an acne solution kit,” shared Jan, 26. “She meant well — we’d talked about my skin issues. But who wants an acne kit for Christmas? At least she gave it to me in private.”
These misfires often happen when the giver temporarily lacks empathy. They thought from their own perspective, not the recipient’s — an easy misstep during the hectic holiday season.
“Early in our relationship, my wife gave me a stuffed teddy bear. It confused me — I wondered if she was implying I was childish,” said Alex, 33. “Between the gift and my poor reaction, it’s a miracle we stayed together.”
The most damaging misfires are those with long-term consequences — such as giving a living animal. Erin, 34, recalled the year her single mother brought home a puppy. “She thought all kids should have a dog, but hadn’t thought it through. No one had time for training or vet visits. We loved that dog, and he lived to 14, but it was still a mistake.”
5. The Passive-Aggressive Gift
“My mother-in-law takes the cake,” said Theresa, an accountant in her 40s. “One year, she gave my husband a beautiful cashmere sweater and gave me a mug that said ‘Scott’s Wife.’ She smiled and laughed when I opened it, calling it a joke. But I believe she meant to hurt me.”
Passive-aggressive gifts are hostility disguised as kindness — a special type of statement gift meant to undermine the recipient’s self-esteem.
“I’d lost almost 25 pounds when my so-called friend gave me two pounds of See’s candy for Christmas,” complained Sheree, 30. “At first I thought it was nice — I love See’s. But after eating half the box and feeling awful, I realized it was a mean gift. She’s not my friend; she’s jealous.”
“When I first married her dad, my stepdaughter gave me a hideous top in size XL,” said Sue, 50, who typically wears a medium. “I wondered if her mother had picked it out to take a dig at me.”
6. The Non-Gift
In households with shared finances, practical items you would have bought anyway — socks, pans, hairbrushes — don’t feel like real gifts. But the worst non-gifts are major purchases made without the recipient’s input, often tinged with “all about me” energy.
Lucy, 54, shared: “After I got into grad school, I spent months researching computers and was about to buy a Mac. Then my now-ex-husband came home with a Tandy from Radio Shack, calling it an early Christmas gift. I felt cheated — not only was it not what I wanted, but he acted generously in front of everyone. It was already in my budget.”
“You know those ads with a car sporting a big bow?” asked Sara, in her 30s. “My husband bought into that. I’m still making payments on ‘my’ gift that we both use. He thought he’d look like a hero.”
These stories illustrate that gift-giving is complex — time-consuming, expensive, and fraught with expectations. Shoppers face endless options, and recipients are pickier than ever. It’s no surprise we don’t always get it right.
But what makes a gift “bad” — or worthy of the title “Worst Gift Ever” — is that it ceases to be a gift. It becomes a message — one that is hurtful, selfish, or simply careless. And if there’s one truth about gifts, good or bad, it’s that it’s the thought behind them that truly counts.